This Is My Moment

I’ve been spending a lot more time this summer staring at the trees. And the clouds. Or sometimes just the blue sky if the clouds are shy. Thinking about life, about all the changes that have happened over the past year. Becoming a father, Grandpa’s life and death, work, getting older, just life stuff. Sometimes there are no thoughts at all, just observations of the moment. 

The past few months have been challenging personally and professionally. Going through challenges is how we grow as people, so there is that silver lining. I have learned more about my own resilience during this time than during any other period of my life. Being resilient through uncertainty, through frustrations, through uncomfortable changes.

All while learning how to be a father and better husband.

Life doesn’t spread out when shit happens like we would like it to. Things just happen when they happen. Sometimes we go long stretches of smooth sailing across fair seas. Sometimes we face monsoon after typhoon after hurricane after tidal wave. Wave after wave spent trying to keep our bow faced into the storm, lest we capsize and find ourselves in even greater danger.

Capsizing, relenting to the storm. Trying not to let things get the best of us. Things we fight, all while trying to maintain composure and be strong for those around us.

If not for resilience and equanimity God knows how the last few months would have gone.

But maybe that’s just one of the elements of life. We are never “out of the weeds”. We just carve paths through the weeds and carry on through the meadow. New weeds pop up, we adjust course. Storms arise, we batten down the hatches and weather the storm.

Time spent persevering, being resilient to the elements. Building defenses against future storms. Defenses in the form of mental strength and endurance, and refusing to let any negative shitstorm into our minds.

Or just time spent staring at the trees and clouds. Why over complicate it?

Regardless of the events of the past few months, this exact moment I’m living in right now is beautiful. I can take a deep breath of clean air. The clouds aren’t shy today so I have something to stare at while I ponder. Even if they were, the leaves on the trees are still full and green this afternoon. Cicadas hum in the trees as the regular crowd of birds verifies that I’ve filled the feeders recently.

To hell with anything else going on in the world right now, this is my moment to enjoy.